50 sätt att...
1. Prance around the house singing Madonna’s ‘Like a virgin’ at the top of your lungs every morning.
2. Tell him Bella has decided to marry Jacob
3. Hang posters that say “I support Jacob Black” and “Jacob Black for President” All over his room
4. Hire a stripper to pop out of the wedding cake
5. Buy a sex-ed book and shove it in his locker, making sure that whenever he decides to open it that it falls out, in clear view of the school.
6. Make sure and tell Aro that Edward wants to elope with him.
7. Smear your blood all over his new car freshener. Blame it on Jacob
8. Wave wooden crosses and strings of garlic at him randomly. When he asks what you’re doing, say, “I know I read this somewhere.”
9. Tell him ”You lost your virginity at 107, and you dother is gonny lose her´s at 7…To the guy who was in love with your wife.”
10. Show him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he’s thinks that he looks like a pedophile or if it’s just you.
11. Ask him where babies come from. Tell him he’s stupid when he won’t answer your question.
12. For his birthday give him a $100 McDonalds gift card, and get offended when he tells you he doesn’t eat food.
13. Ask him if he ever had an erection.
14. Ask him if vampires get erections.
15. Ask him why he likes watching Bella sleep. Call him a pervert.
16. Give yourself a paper cut and make a point of showing him the blood, then put it in your mouth. Say, “Mmmm, Delicious! Want some?”
17. Replace his ringtone with ‘Outta my head’ by Asheele Simpson. Make sure he can’t change it.
18. Color on all his Bella pictures with Permanent marker.
19. Refuse to replace them.
20. Ask him to be a gangsta with you for Halloween.
21. Get offended when he refuses.
22. Take him to Victoria’s Secret with Alice.
23. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”
24. Ask him how Tanya is.
25. Constantly remind him that he almost lost Bella to a dog.
26. Key his car. ‘Jacob and Edward = LURVE’
27. Get him on that show ‘intervention’. Make sure everyone knows he addicted to heroin.
28. Tell him you have Bella as a witness if he denies it.
29. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”
30. Call him Romeo both behind his back and to his face.
31. Paint his Volvo pink and write “I love Jacob” all over it
32. Tell him Bella is pregnant and eloping with Mike Newton.
33. Tell him you were kidding once he murders Mike.
34. Tell Carlilsle to have ”The Talk” with him.
35. Make him watch the twilight movie.
36. Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues.
37. Buy him a dog. Name it Jacob.
38. Train the dog to follow him everywhere. P.S. Make sure he doesn’t eat it.
39. When you ‘discover’ he’s a vampire, throw holy water on him and shout,”The power of Christ compels you!”
40. Ask him if he’s a virgin.
41. When he says yes, take a picture of him and tape it to the 40 year old virgin movie poster.
42. Make him watch Hairspray with you. Ask him why he’s not as hot as Zac Efron.
43. When he says that he is, ask him why he wasn’t the star of the singing high school people.
44. Tape porn to his walls.
45. Make sure Bella sees it.
46. Make an ”I love Jacob” website and say Bella made it.
47. Tell him he didn’t steal Bella’s virginity, Jacob did.
48. Tell him Jacob thinks he’s a sex god.
49. Tell him Jane thinks he’s better than a sex god.
50. Cover his yard with ”Beware of Vampire” signs.
... Irritera Jacob Black
1. Put kitty posters on his bedroom wall.
2. Buy him a vampire outfit for Halloween.
3. Yell ”Here Jacob!! Come on, boy!”
4. Tell him he needs a flea bath.
5. Give him some dog treats for lunch.
6. Follow him around singing Who Let the Dogs Out.
7. Tell him his motorcycle looks gay.
8. Photoshop a pic of him and Edward, then give it to him as a present.
9. Hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.
10. Spray him with a squirt bottle every time he swears.
11. Give him a chew toy for Christmas.
12. Give him dinner in a dog bowl.
13. Ask him if he’s related to DogMan(We live in MI…don’t ask)
14. Ask him when Edward and Bella’s wedding date is.
15. Then ask him he’s going.
16. Get him a pretty pink dog collar.
17. Tell him he has to go see the vet.
18. Ask him if he’s got his rabis shot.
19. Steal all of his sweatpants.
20. Call him a mutt…then run.
21. Tell him he needs a new car…preferably a new, shiny, silver Volvo.
22. Ask him if he’s gay.
23. Ask him if he wishs he glittered like Edward.
24. Then pour glitter on him.
25. Then when he yells at you, just tell him you just wanted him to feel pretty like Edward.
26. Throw a Tennis ball, then yell ”Get it! Get it, boy!”
27. Then when he doesn’t go and get the ball, ask why he doesn’t know how to fetch.
28. Give him some peanut-butter.
29. Then black-mail him with the video.
30. Tell him he’d look better pale.
31. Push him in the lake, when he yells just say you wanted to see if he knew how to doggie-paddle.
32. Then yell at him for smelling like wet dog.
33. Paint Jacob in pink and purple nail polish on his finger nails.
34. Then ask him if he has the hotts for Edward.
35. See how many times you can poke him before he transforms.
36. Put a bark collar on him.
37. Give him a muzzle for his B-day.
38. Take him to the groomer’s shop.
39. Steal his pic of Bella and replace it with a pic of Edward while he’s sleeping.
40. Then scream in his ear ”I KNEW IT!! You DO have the hotts for Edward!”
41. Then tell Edward.
42. Ask him if he’s related to Scooby-Doo.
43. Start brushing his hair, then when he glares tell him he’s shedding.
44. Post lost dog AD’s with Jacob’s pic on them.
45. Ask him when his and Edward’s wedding date is.
46. Threaten to get him fixed.
47. Accidently call him kitty.
48. Ask him if he’s Edward’s best-man.
49. Give him the nickname Fiedo.
50. For movie night, rent the Dracula movie.
